Since we have found out about Jacob there are several things that have come to light in my life. I realized I had held onto this idea about my life and family that it needed to look a certain way, pretty, not unusual, a few kids-spaced out the appropriate amount. With Jacob my unconscious thoughts about how our life would look got turned upside down. He would have major surgeries early on-an issue with his heart that would affect the rest of his life, his activity level, more doctor check ups, daily medication. At the beginning of June at one of our Columbus appointments we found out that Jacob was in heart failure and may not make it to birth. The only option for him now would be to travel up to Columbus and he would need a heart transplant right when he is born(his heart was not strong enough for the 3 surgeries anymore) that is if there were any infant hearts available-sad. If he makes it to birth we are faced with a decision to keep him in the hospital-connected to machines preserving his little life for a few weeks or months, waiting. And then continue on the course that a heart transplant human walks through, a life of more doctors, many medications, and several other hardships, fears, and unknowns. The other option is having Jacob in Lexington and loving/caring and holding him free of wires and machines until his tired and weak heart stops beating-however long that may be. Everything is out of the doctors control and our control. Jacob's life is in the hands of our always loving and good Father. We trust in The Lord and trust He knows what is best. Our hearts are broken and sad for his little life that we may not get to share with him, but we trust that Jesus will make all things new one day-even Jacob's heart. There is hope for Jacob and us! One day Jacob will have a new perfect heart and we rejoice in that truth. As for now I will surrender this idea of what I imagined my life to look like and will choose instead to trust in The Lord, trust that He loves Jacob more than Kevin and I do and receive the peace He offers during this hard time.