I realized today that it has been awhile since I have updated everyone. Not much change has happened with Jacob. Since we brought Jacob home he has been under hospice care. A nurse comes to our house once a week to check his heart and lungs. Each time they are amazed at how well Jacob is doing and how good he looks. This week when the nurse came she said she noticed a little change in Jacob's heart beat. It sounded a little unorganized, it wasn't beating together as it should. This just means his little heart is getting tired. She also noticed a little change in his skin color. These are normal things that they expected to see as soon as he was born but he has surprised everyone and has held on for way longer than they expected. Even though Jacob acts just as perfect as he has since the day he was born, the news that there has been a change in his heart beat made me so sad. I have been really trying to enjoy and soak in every single minute with him. I do not think about the time that he won't be here with us. I don't think about the moment that will be his last and the days that will follow. I do not want to ruin my time with Jacob and be sad while he is here. I know there will be plenty of those days later. But when the nurse left I could not help but cry and be sad for Jacob. Every  now and again when Jacob eats it seems like he has a hard time breathing and it can be frustrating for him. That is the worst part. Watching Jacob struggle to eat or breathe is hard. It breaks my heart to watch him struggle and know there is nothing I can do for him. I could not shake the sadness, I kept thinking how sad this slow process of watching Jacob go downhill will be. The rest of the day I held so tightly to my baby. I rocked him, took a nap with him, and just held him close. I keep telling Jacob that it's ok, I have him, I got him, I won't let him go, I'll be here until the end. As I say those words to him my immediate thought is always God has us, He won't let us go, He is here always-through the end. I envision The Lord holding us and whispering those same words that I whisper to Jacob. I imagine that He is holding me as I hold Jacob. As I felt my sadness overtaking me, I imagine My Heavenly Father holding us with a greater love than I can imagine, more than my love for Jacob, and I am comforted. I am comforted by Kevin and my friends who listen to me cry. I am comforted by the sweet texts that I get that say "we are praying for you" "praying for God to hold you" "praying you feel The Lord" thank you thank you for praying. God is answering your prayers. His presence is in us. He has us and will never let us go.
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

At our appointment on Monday the cardiologist took a look at Jacob's heart and told us everything looked the same. His heart muscle is still weak and will eventually stop beating. They are not sure how much longer we will have with Jacob. It could be days, weeks, or even months. They said babies surprise them all the time with how long they hold on. They think it will be a gradual decline for Jacob instead of his heart failing instantly.  It was a sad reminder that his heart will eventually give up, but we are trying to continue to live in each moment we have with him. It has been really fun to get to do things with Jacob that we never thought we would be able to do. When I was pregnant I was sad that I wouldn't be able to do things with him, just normal everyday things. One day Kevin and Connor were playing out in the front yard and kicking a soccer ball and I just sat on our front porch in our rocking chair and I was so sad that I wouldn't be able to watch them play while rocking Jacob in that chair. Another time I sat in Jacob's room on our glider and rocked for a little bit because I thought that would be the only time I would be able to rock him. Because God is seriously so good, He has graciously allowed me to bring those dreams to life. The other day I sat in the rocking chair on our front porch and watched kevin and Connor play, I literally whispered the word "gift". Today I went into Jacob's room and rocked him on the glider and again whispered "gift". We have taken him on walks in the stroller. Connor has helped give him a bath (he loves washing Jacob's hair). Today I sat down with Connor and played with his castle toy while I held Jacob. We have had the sweetest moments as a family, for that I am beyond thankful. I never thought we would have these moments. Jacob has gotten to meet some of our dearest friends, they have gotten to hold him and love on him. There is something so special about our friends and family getting to hold Jacob, they have prayed and thought about Jacob for such a long time and it is incredible sweet for them to get to hold a product of prayer and God's goodness! Each day we have is a gift, we fall more and more in love with  him and get to know him a little better. We realized how much harder it will be to let him go when the time comes, but we would not trade the time we have had with him for anything, no matter how painful it will be. We know and trust The Lord has gone before us and is with us in this. We are loving on Jacob and caring for him with our hands open knowing that he belongs to The Lord. It will not be easy, but knowing Jacob will be in our heavenly Father's care is comforting. Thank for praying! God is so good, in all circumstances we will choose to rejoice!

So many gifts

Jacob Matthew Warnick came into the world on Wednesday July 30th at 6:07pm. He was 7lbs and 20 inches long. He came out crying and it was a beautiful sound! We had little expectations about how long we would have with him. We were excited, overjoyed, thankful, and a little scared about the next several hours. They put him on my chest and it was incredible to hold him and feel him! The doctors quickly took him away to check him out because he came out so vigorious and healthy looking that they wanted to look at him right away. Jacob went to the nursery and kevin followed as the team of cardiologist were there waiting to look at his heart. As soon as I was cleaned up I was able to go to the nursery and we held him while the cardiologist discussed the findings about his heart defects. The cardiologist finally came to talk with us and told us they believe everything looked as they thought and we should continue with our plan of action, to love on him and snuggle with him until The Lord brings him home. We brought him back to our room and that is exactly what we did. We held him and cuddled with him! Each person in our family and our best friends were able to hold him as well. He looked perfect! No wires or machines needed to keep him comfortable. He was doing really well just being a little newborn baby. He was eating and breathing great! Every single moment was an incredible gift! We never put him down! It was hard to sleep, we just stayed up with Jacob in our arms, singing him songs and thanking The Lord for each second. Each day and night we were in the hospital we were so overjoyed by all the time we were getting to spend with him. We were able to take several pictures, give him a bath, and make little sculptures of his little hands and feet. The doctors would come periodically and check him out and tell us how well he was doing, it was a gift. After a couple days the doctors said we were able to take Jacob home with us!! We were thankful, excited, nervous, and very unprepared. The doctors had not given us hope that we would be able to take him home so we didn't bring a car seat, clothes, nor did we have anything ready at home. Our family brought the car seat and our son Connor (who loved his little brother and was excited to "give him kisses and rub his head") we packed up the car and the four of us drove home. We prayed, cried, and thanked The Lord for this gift. Currently we are at home and we are continuing to hold and love him. He is still doing great. We go to the cardiologist Monday afternoon and they will look to see if anything has changed. We do not know what to expect, we feel like his defect was so abnormal that no one really knew how he would do. We are not thinking about the future but we are just living each moment with Jacob and soaking in the sweetness and doing our best to remember each little feature, noise, wrinkle, smell, and the incredible softness of his skin. Although I am incredibly thankful for each moment we have, it does make it that much harder knowing that he will go be with The Lord. I often get sad to think about him not being here with us, but I can not dwell in that. We rejoice in the moments we have right now because I never thought I would get this time. Jacob belongs to The Lord and we trust in Him, we trust that He is in control, that He loves Jacob and us. Thank you for everyone's kind words! We are thankful for everyone who has called/texted/left Facebook and Instagram comments, we see them all and are thankful for everyone's prayers and encouragement.

Revelation 21:1-5

21 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

The end has not been written! Pray for baby Jacob!